“Once upon a time there was a little girl who had this feeling she could not shake. It was a feeling that grew deeper and darker every day that she could not escape. In an attempt to get rid of those feelings she found somethings, two escape buttons. When she pressed them she would loose her reality and become a part of another, but once the effect wore off she would be back in this world. Even if it meant she could only disappear for a limited time, she was grateful for all the time she was given away from this life.”
This is a little story about how I have felt from an very early age, but the tale do not only include myself. Most people do not wish to speak about depressions because they truly do not undertand, and because of this a lot of people do not really know what they are feeling. I surely did not. At many points of my life I have even felt like I do not deserve to life. It was during on of these times that I found my first escape button, music. I found my love for this art and since then I have also discovered that I am quite gifted within the subject. Music is good in that way that it can make you feel. Before I mostly only felt pain or nothing which mean that the slightest feeling was important to me. Also whenever I here music I drift away with my thoughts and soon my daydreams are more real to me than the actual reality infront of me.
My other escape button is writing. I remember having a dream at the age of about 12 and when I woke up I wanted to share it with the world, that’s when I begun writing. During the years that have past since then I have developed a lot, I have also found my so called ‘edge’ which gives my writing its tone. Writing is important to me because it lets me create my own reality where I can build a new world. Today I am still working on that book based on my dream, it has changed quite a lot over the years but it is an escape for me. One that has been there for many years. All the characters feels like old friends and I love being able to disappear into their world, only if just for a little while. Writing also helps me think and sort things out. Some days when I have been feeling really bad I have begun writing and noticed that my actual reality sometimes fits in the text, so the narrator’s feelings and thoughts are often my own true ones.
Another thing is that I always listen to music while writing which gives me the best escape I can possibly get. Sometimes it is an emotional roller-coaster but that is also one thing that makes them great. At times I can only write a sentence unlike occasions when I can write for hours finding no end to my inspiration. I have found my escape buttons, I hope you will find yours too.