Panic Attacks

During the last few months I have gotten a lot of panic attacks, although I do not notice them until it is too late to stop them from reaching the surface. It feels like I’m suffocating. I do not know why they occur more than the fact that I suffer from anxiety. Also lately it feels like everything is fading, at least all my feelings. I feel nothing or I do not wish to know the feelings that hit me. The people who have called themselves my friends, are slowly drifting away, leaving me alone. Only one truly remains. The worst part is that I cannot let my feelings out. Either I am ‘home’ were I have to live amongst my family who do not know me, or I am at work were I cannot be sad. Although some of my colleagues know because I told them while having a panic attack. It felt good, and I feel good when I’m around them. Unlike another colleague, whom I’ve only met once before, who for some reason do not seem to like me at all. Today she made me feel useless and idiotic to the verge of tears. I kept telling myself to keep it together but all I wanted was to run away. Once I got ‘home’ I had another panic attack, this one was smaller thankfully. Why is this happening? I cannot answer that question more than I already have. Maybe right now they occur since I have been bottling up my feelings and thoughts over the last month. Maybe I should take a day of from my life and let all of it out. But I am scared of the outcome.

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